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At first, it felt like we were cheating. It still does sometimes.
9 AM. Time for Sunday School. Boys are safe and sound.
My husband and I walk out the backdoor. When we are in the car, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's a safe haven for me really. I don't know how to write about the hurt that people in a church can bring you. What I can tell you is I'm so thankful we didn't leave completely. That wouldn't have been the right thing to do for us.
I'm being lead on my own path in this Faith Journey. (I was just sharing with a friend, I'm like the Tacky Penguin of church ladies...) I'm just not good at what you are "supposed" to do. But I'm being lead in a way that is also healing me. And I know that I'm Loved.
So we sit down, my husband and I.
There is coffee, pastry, jazz. We've been there so much, some faces are starting to look familiar.
We read. Study. Exchange ideas and ask questions.
Some of my favorite conversations with my Mr. take place here on Sunday Mornings.
You are 'supposed' to sit in a large room. Receive teaching. Even in that large room, it feels lonely.
But here in our corner, Mr. reads his favorite passages to me.
I pose questions. He does too.
Sometimes we find answers.
Sometime we don't.
It's our Sunday Morning.
Joy!
Kendra
What a lovely ritual - one you will both look back upon and feel grateful to have experienced together.
ReplyDeleteYou are being true to yourself and those who matter. I love how you liken yourself to Tacky.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a beautiful Sunday morning ritual. What is perfect is that it's wholly yours.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a beautiful Sunday morning it is. Everyone's spiritual journey is unique and yours sounds perfect for you two.
ReplyDeleteKendra, I enjoyed your piece for many reasons. It gave a glimpse of insight into your backstory, welcoming readers to know you a little better. It is vulnerable, with a mixture of strength and tenderness. And it resonates with all of our own experiences with pain felt in a place that is supposed to provide safety and grace. I can relate to the disillusionment encountered when a home of faith becomes a source of frustration, hurt, or worse, toxicity. I'm glad you're finding your way through the difficulties, only to emerge stronger from it. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is such an honest piece. I'm so sorry that church has hurt you in the past. I'm glad you've found a way to take a spiritual journey of your own.
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