Dear Would Be Identity Thief,
Ugh. You nearly ruined my Friday Afternoon. The one I was enjoying on Spring Break. When I opened up that credit card, the one You applied for in My Name, I let out a big string of swear words. My first reaction was a big dose of Anger and Frustration. I am sassy, strong willed, and lots of other things, but I usually don't get Angry like this. Because of that anger, I was able to stay up late into the night and see my Panthers beat Texas. So I guess I should say Thank you?
Then I got to work cutting off your efforts at the knees.
Close that account? Check.
Call the police? Check. (You know, they really have more important things to be doing...)
Credit Bureaus called, my accounts flagged? Check.
Credit reports printed and studied? Check. Check.
Taxes frantically filed and accepted? Check. Check. This could have been a celebration yesterday, but we were waiting for the email that said the taxes were actually processed.
Now that I've researched and worked on shutting this down, and I think we've cut it off; my thoughts and attention have turned to you.
Of course my biggest thought is Why? Why My Name? Address? What do you need? Is this a solution for you? Are you simply having some "fun?"
I know you probably don't care, but maybe you do, I need you to know that helping people is part of my life rhythm. If you needed help, you could have shown up and told me your story. My family and I would have done what we could. There's a bit of sadness here, because I think that people have turned so inward, we've stopped asking each other for help. Help is still part of my deal.
However, if you are trying out my identity, the sassy girl in me has some advice for you to do it right, so listen up:
- You'll need a coffee pot. Buy your coffee in bulk. Use almond milk creamer, caramel flavored. That's how we like it.
- You dance in the kitchen with your sons. Usually to Bryan Adams or some obscure pop song from the 80s.
- You love carbs. But you are trying to eat more veggies and lean protein. Tonight you are having fish and veggies for dinner.
- You aren't very tidy. But it bothers you when things are dirty and need to be cleaned.
- You are rooted in faith. Which is why helping is part of your life's rhythm. The Bible is pretty clear about that one.
- 2 words: Elastic.Skirts.
- You'll need a book stack. A big one.
- You'll need a tribe. Of people. Quarky, Sassy, Sweet, we love them all.
- You don't fold the socks. The kids can do that.
- Running shoes. Get some and use them almost daily.
I can't quite wish you the best or luck yet, but I forgive you. (But I'll be tuned in to all of it...the mail, our accounts, all of it.)