Thursday, March 29, 2018

Slice of Life: Day Twenty Nine: Laughable.



Dear Friends,
This post has been brewing all day.  Maybe for a year or more.  Thanks for being kind as I let a little more out.  I wanted to explore a bit of what it's like to write and be vulnerable and honest as I share my story a little more. 

A year ago these three things were a part of who I was (all at the same time):

1.  A Case of Strep Throat.

2.  A dog wearing an E-collar after eye surgery.  He eventually lost sight in his right eye after running into a stick chasing a squirrel.

3.  A Job Situation that would make many of us run for the hills.  And I started to.  Because I didn't feel like I had a choice. 


Oh man.  Did I struggle not to become the jaded old lady who wanted to only talk about these three things. 

I spent a lot of time with my Mr. 
I closed my circle in a little further. 
I quit writing. 
I quit running.
I slept.  A Lot.
Well.  That's not a healthy list. 


I took up Bible reading, because I knew if I was going to make it, I had to let everything fall away and let there be only Jesus.  Wowza.  That part was HARD.  Because I can do this thankyouverymuch.  And at that point, what else did I have left emotionally?  Not much.  Also, may I gently say, notice I said Jesus and not the church.  Sometimes seeing the wrong side of the church can be soul crushing.  And church was crushing mine at the time.  I went.  I sat in the back.  I cried.  I left early.  I visited lots of different ones to stay invisible.  Because I only wanted to be seen by Jesus. 

So.  After a year.  A Year that wasn't without more to add to the list, here I am. 

And the stress of last year? 

Laughable.  

Why? 

Because I sit here this year with two new things:

  • values clarification.  I feel pretty rooted in what I value at this point.  I don't feel like I'm struggling at this point to know what I feel is important.  (In case you are wondering, Love is at the center of these values.  Because everyone of us deserves that.  Everyone.  I will Always lead with love.  Which might be translated into feeding you something.)
  • a protected heart.  After a lot of clawing, crying, laying down, getting back up again, and crying some more, I came out on the other side.  And I know that I was being protected spiritually from things that won't ever deliver what my heart seeks.  
I can abide in what I know protects my heart and values:
  • Quiet time with Jesus.  (Reading.  A Lot.)
  • Time at home.  With Mr.
  • I'm writing again.  
  • I'm running again.
  • Sharing Love.  
  • Spending time with wise, discerning women.  That is critical to my well-being.  
The joy of coming out of this journey?  I can see it as laughable.  

I'll take that.  



Joy!  (In the laughing.)
Kendra



2 comments:

  1. Reading posts like this makes me regret the lack of time I find to read other slices and leave comments. This community is a place to write, but it is also a place to find ourselves. It looks like you have overcome much, and what a celebration - even if it is laughable now!

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  2. I only have emojis.
    💔❤️💗💕😭😀🙌

    ReplyDelete